Monday, September 29, 2008

fushia hair

This weekend Levi and I were talking about Heaven and how it might be like. My kids do not know their granddads and so this is a frequent conversation. Levi pointed out that he would know exactly what Aunt Carrie would look like. I thought he was going to tell me because he knew her and had seen her, unlike his grandpas. He said not only could she see in heaven (praise God) but the biggest clue would be her fushia hair! It made me laugh and I know Carrie would have loved it!


I have a lot of people telling me how strong I am with everything that has happened the last couple of years. I don't feel strong and I am tired. If this is true though, then why do I not want to wait. I have read and heard Isaiah 40:31 more times than I can count. I tell God often how tired and weak I am. Yet I can not explain my rational for wanting to go, do, be, something. This scripture says Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength (nas). I say I have no strength yet I don't like waiting. Maybe it is the unknown or the what if's that play through my mind. Really I think I am afraid that God will just leave me here and never use me again (poor me). God owes me nothing and yet He has given me more than I ever deserved! I am still trying to be content. God is saying wait and until I hear something different I need to stay put and let God renew my strength. Pray for me

Friday, September 26, 2008

Fridays with Paul

Today is Friday, and it is one of my favorite days of the week. Paul and I spend the day together ( usually with Nathaniel as well). We don't get a lot of time together. His back is still a problem and seems to be getting worse to me. The days he works take everything out of him, so Fridays we get a few hours before he has to rest. We don't have money to spend on dates but that just means we have to be a little more creative. The weather is finaly getting nicer so we can go to the park (Nathaniel's favorite place), play a game or watch a movie. Last week we did a puzzle together. It really meant a lot to me because Paul doesn't care too much for them but they are one of my favorite things to do. He also usually makes dinner on Friday!! I love that. I am trying not to take him for granted and I am praying for his back. The Dr. he has now says he has a bulging disc and bone spurs, but they are not telling him anything to do for it. It is almost like here is the problem but to bad. I am really frustrated because it doesn't just affect Paul but the kids and myself as well. Please pray for all of us, we need it! Enjoy your time with your loved ones as much as possible.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

this was taken Easter 2008. I hope that I can add more recent photos soon

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

lost tooth

Yesterday when I was picking up the kids from school, Levi would not smile at me, although he seemed happy enough. I asked him if everything was ok, and if anything happened at school. He just shook his head no so I dropped it for the moment. When we were in the van I Iooked into my rear view mirror and saw him trying not to smile, but it was too late...I caught him with his top front tooth out! He wanted to wait until we got home to show me and everyone else but he was too excited. It fell out at school in the middle of the day. He carried his tooth around in his pocket to show everyone. It just tells me that he is growing up a little too fast for me, although he looks terribly cute without it! He said talking is funny but he has a really cool trick. He drinks his milk at school through a straw and it fits perfectly in the gap. He loves it!!! My camera needs a battery so hopefully I will get a picture of him soon.
Speaking of pictures. Paul's mom and I took Nathaniel to get pictures taken this morning. He doesn't get them through school like Jennifer and Levi, and it has been way too long since they were taken. He even asked why there were not as many of him, AH the youngest deliema. I hope to have those in a couple of weeks. Might I say just how cute they turned out. If I can figure out how to scan them in or get Paul to do it I will try and post some. Take lots of pictures of those you love!!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Lot's Wife

I have been remembering Florida a lot lately. I think it must be the time of year. They are no doubt getting reading for Judgement House. I was the Angel of Death (Levi hated that), I switched to a guide, which I really enjoyed doing, then I was asked to be in Heaven when I wasn't guiding....I LOVED IT!!! Mostly the inbetween times. Anyway, God has been showing me a lot about my feelings for Callahan and Gray Gables. Let me preface this with I DO NOT think that Callahan is anything like Sodom and Gomora. However I never had much empathy for Lot and his family, especially his wife ( no name even). I now can say how much I can feel for her is amazing. They probably knew that they needed to move from there but didn't want to. I too can say that I felt God telling me we needed to leave before the Lord dragged us out. Lot and his family had to have the angels grab them by the hand ( every one of them) and drag them out. They took nothing with them. We left soooo much behind, and thinking about it still hurts. The kicker was they were told not to look back. Lot's wife did, and turned to a pillar of salt. Let me say, how many of us would not have looked back? She wasn't told "what" would happen to her and even if she had the temptation would have been great, look at Eve. I know when my kids or even myself are told "don't" that is usually a big challange.

This past week God has been telling me to stop looking back. Callahan was a huge blessing to me and my family, but I am turning into a pillar of salt by living in the past. I miss everything. If Lot's wife hadn't looked back I wonder if she would still have been miserable. They ended up in a cave with nothing. She probably would have whinned about everything she gave up...I know I have. She was never used by God again. I don't want that for me. If Lot and his family would have left willingly I think it would have been much easier on them and they might have been able to take their stuff with them. I am trying to not only listen to God better but to do as He says.

I miss our home, it was beautiful. I miss the schools, they were great, I miss our church, I grew a lot, I miss my stuff, I miss my church family, it was the best! I have to live in my cave for now, and I praise God for not turning me into a pillar of salt. I don't have to forget Callahan(I couldn't)but I can't keep my heart and soul so intwined with it either. God has given me a new place to live and I need to actually start living here and not merely surviving.

Read Genesis 18 and 19 with a new look. Hold things loosely because you never know when they may be taken. Enjoy everything you have and don't take it for granted. Tell people how much they mean to you. Try not to whine! God is Good all the time!!!!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

library day

Today was library day for me and Nathaniel. We go to story time and do a craft every Thursday. They have a different theme every week. Nathaniel loves it and keeps asking the guy when he is going to do snakes. Today was apples. We heard two books and made a Fall wreath with different colored apples on it and also colored a big apple that you cut out and make into a puzzle. I think what he likes best is spending time with mommy all by himself. Levi has Boy Scouts on Wednesdays with me. Jennifer doesn't have anything. Pray for me on this because she really wants something that is just hers and I don't know what to do. We can't afford any lessons and I am not sure she knows what she wants. Plus I need to find a consistent time for her every week which is one more thing to try and figure out what to do with everyone else. I think she wants to socialize and I do not want to volunteer for anything else. I probably sound selfish, I am just tired of feeling like I am going in so many directions and none of them mean a break for me. I guess I should say that I just started going to a ladies Bible study on Sat. afternoons. It is only about an hour and a half but I need it.

coffee ladies

Today is Wednesday. This is probably my hardest day of the week since leaving Callahan. I loved Wednesdays. We would have dinner at the church and always sit with Ms. Josie. I would then help with the kids program. Nathaniel was going to AWANA at 2yrs. old and learning about everything that God created. Paul would lead worship, and Jennifer and Levi went with me to the kids activities. Then we had choir practice. I loved it, Paul is so gifted in this area and I LOVE to sing! I sat next to my dearest friend Dana and after choir...Coffee Ladies!!! We would meet at someone's house around 9:30pm (usually Grace or Roseanna) and eat visit,prau,etc. until a ridicules hour like 1:00 am and I loved every minute of it. They loved me for me and we would share and encourage each other. We didn't need therapy because coffee ladies was therapy. They were trust worthy and I didn't have to pretend I was the "minister's wife", I could just be Goldie, a wife who got depressed, a mother who worried and a friend who hurt. I knew we were close but I didn't realize how close until we moved. Isn't that always the way. I sevve a jealous God and even though I may not have been the reason we moved, I do believe that God used it to show me that He needs to always be number one in my life. Since Carrie passed away I have felt it anew how much I don't turn to God first for everything. But I also know that He gave me my Coffee Ladies and I have been blessed by them so many times I can't count!!! If any of you read this please know I LOVE you all so much and I may need therapy soon if I can't talk to you all!!!!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

my braces

Today Nathaniel and I got up way too early and went to Tucson to get my braces tightened. I always look forward to this ( I know I am not normal). I have wanted braces for as long as I can remember, don't ask why, I am not sure I know completly. My teeth were crooked but not that bad. I know a lot of teens who hide their braces. I guess one of the advantages to "getting" older is that I don't care. I still smile and I love picking out different colored bands every time. I have yellow and dark red on now, for Autumn. I must admit turning 40 a couple of years ago was a huge yuck for me, but I am more comfortable with being me and how I look. I think I always wanted braces because I was hoping I would be beautiful when they came off, like magic. I now realize I am beautiful with or without them. These last 2 years God has taught me a lot. One of the biggest being I am treasured by the God of everything. He not only loves me, but He is IN love with me! I am breathtakingly beautiful to Him. I wish we could all learn that especially when we are still young. I am certainly trying to teach that to Jennifer and I think she is getting it better than I ever did, praise God! You are all beautiful to the great I AM. please belive it!!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

tent in the living room

Saturday's are a day my kids really look forward too. They can sleep in ( they don't) and we usually have pancakes, bacon , ect. not just cereal. Last night Paul put up the tent in the living room and all three of them "camped out". They enjoyed it so much we are letting them do it again. I don't think they are going to be happy when it comes down. I know however if they slept in it every night they would eventually get use to it and the excitement would wear off. That is how it is with most things. We start taking them for granted and don't see just how blessed we really are. I am like that with several things, my family especially Paul and our marriage. Why can't I remember more how it feels to see him when he first walks in the door, the excitement of going on dates. Comfortable isn't bad as long as I don't get lazy, and forget how blessed I am to have a man who loves God, our kids, and me.
Even more dangerous is losing my excitement about my Lord and Savior and ALL that he has done for me. If I stop and really think about it, it is the coolest thing ever. The God of everything, the great I AM, loves me( Goldie). He wants to spend time with me and I get to spend the rest of my life with Him, that is even better than a tent in the living room!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

potty training

Ok, I have 3 children and even though Jennifer and Levi didn't potty train until they were ready. they did eventually. Nathaniel is almost 3 and a half and doesn't even get the concept of it. I can take away privleges and even try bribing with candy and he just doesn't get it. He says he wants to stay little. He is still in the nursery at church and is ok with it. I tell him he won't go to school in diapers and he says he will. He thinks even some adults wear diapers ( don't comment on that). I have tried a timer and he goes in between the times on the potty. I have tried putting him in underwear and he will still sit in it all day if I let him. I wet my pants for years, so maybe this is pay back. I am sure my Mom thinks it is funny. Nathaniel is definatly my strongwilled beast. I love him to pieces and Carrie LOVED all my Nathaniel stories, she even shared them with friends. Maybe that is what is bothering me the most. Carrie isn't here to call and give the latest story to so she can remind me this is what I have always wanted and prayed for. It is what she would have given anything for. She also ( after she was done laughing) would have prayed with me and offered any words ( always had words) of wisdom. I don't think Nathaniel would be doing any better with his potty training if she were still here, but I know I would be doing much better! By the way Nathaniel is completly naked from the waist down, just peed all over a towel and his shirt and is wondering why I need to change him, ARGHHH!!!!! Carrie would be laughing, maybe I should try it.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

picture day

Yesterday was Levi's school pictures and today is Jennifer's. I tell them often how blessed I am to have them and that they are smart, handsome, beautiful and great kids. I also know that they are getting different messages from school, especially Jennifer. They are both starting to realize that Jennifer isn't like the other kids. The kids at school tell her she is stupid and ugly, and the MaMa in me wants to go choke some kids (Bobbie is right there with me on this). Why don't we realize how powerful our words are? I think adults and especially christians don't take their words seriously enough either. We have poured our praise into our kids,and I can see a difference. Even though it bothers Jennifer she knows that she is loved by her family and an AMAZING GOD. She tells me she is a princess because of God! They both know that God loves them more than anything no matter what others say. We are now praying diligently for friends for them and for the kids that are not nice. Maybe that is what the kids are hearing about themselves somewhere as well. The children God has given to us are wonderful and I know they are proof of God's love and blessings on me. Please pray with me for friends and that they would show the love of Christ; me too. I need to watch my words as well.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

was Moses "happy"

We have been living in Safford now for 9 months. It seems like a lot longer, at least most of the time. I have been praying that God would make us content in all our circumstances. I have noticed that is like praying for patience. He is just giving us "circumstances" to see if I will be content. I think I am failing. Then I have been praying and reading and God is showing me that I still am not grasping the difference between content and happy. I wonder if Moses was "happy" wandering around the wilderness with God's chosen people, having to go and plead before
God on their behalf. Moses would remind God that the children were HIS. They wandered 40 years, not Moses idea. Then Moses dosen't even get to enter the Promise Land; "happy"? probably not, "content" probably. He spent time with God and heard God speak. I think I could learn from that.

Monday, September 8, 2008

getting started

ok, here I go. I am doing this so people can find out how me and our family are doing. I think this will be easier for people instead of me trying to mass e-mail everyone. You can come here and hear the latest and greatest from my lips. I apreciate everyones prayers and interest so I hope this will help you to know how to pray hopefully I will even include pics eventually. I will still email, especially prayer requests and praises. You all mean the world to me and I don't know what I would do without you. You do not need to point out any typing or spelling errors unless you just can't help yourself.