Friday, September 17, 2010

Surgery for my baby

Well, Jennifer is on the road to recovery and that means so are mom and dad. I have seen Jennifer go through 6 surgeries now and  I never like it. As a mom I would much rather it be me going through the pain. The one good thing this time is she was old enough to understand what and why it was happening. When she was young it was so difficult because she would be in pain after surgery and she didn't know why it all happened. I will never forget the first time she had surgery at 4 weeks old in the NICU. She was in so much pain afterwards and she had a nurse that blamed me for her discomfort. I was so upset and it still brings pain when I think of it. I am happy to say that this was a much better experience. She wanted this done and knew what to much as she could. The IV had to be done twice which was no fun for her and dad almost couldn't handle it. Seeing his little girl in pain was too much for him. She asked to see her tonsils when she woke up and the nurse ( Sara) said she would have them waiting in a cup for her. I am glad that Jennifer has that kid of curiosity, it serves her well. Sara kept her word and when we met Jennifer in recovery there also were her tonsils. They were about the size of a grape and pink and bloody...sorry. I am glad we got to see them also. I don't think Paul was as thrilled with the idea. Jennifer has also been amazing with the whole "I can't eat" thing. I am so proud of her. She hasn't really complained or whined for food. She is happy to have ice, Eegges, juice and popcicles. Her biggest problem is talking...yes she is my daughter. The more she tries to talk the more uncomfortable her throat gets. Not talking is very hard for her even though she has a wipe board. She is loving all the attention she is getting. Grandma and Aunt Bobbie bought her stuff and so have several others. She is so loved and I am blessed because of it.
The hardest part of all of this for me as a mother as been trusting her completely to someone else and trusting God to take care of her. I don't know why this is hard. God loves her far more than I do and only wants her best. But I don't see things the way God does most of the time. I want her to be comfortable, He wants her to be more like him. I was talking to a very good the other day and she was saying that God was telling her,  "you need to  let go of your child completely,  so they can fall into my arms" That is so hard to do as a parent, but it is what God wants. I keep finding out just how hard I hold on to my family. You would think I would learn not to. The pain of letting go or putting them before God is so hard and yet it is something I struggle with daily. My children will be far better off in God's loving and safe arms more than anywhere else. If I truly want what is best for my children and want them to be more like Jesus I need to learn to let go and give them to God. Jennifer is doing just fine in His arms and she is learning  just how much He really loves her! As a mother can I ask for more?