14 years of wedded bliss?

Yesterday was our 14th wedding anniversary. I remember the proposle and wedding very well. I loved all of it. I felt I had waited forever for that moment to arrive. I love my husband more that words can say. I wouldn't change being married for anything. It has been an amazing journey. But happlily ever after? Not always, not even close sometimes. I knew marriage was work and no one was perfect, but wow, we have been through some very painful stuff. What surprises me most is the fact that we have grown the most through the hard stuff. I have gotten stronger and hopefully more christ-like through the crap we have had to deal with. We are closer and communicate better because of it all. Paul has seen me at my worse and I have seen him at his. We still stay together and we don't just do it to prove a point. We stay together because we want to. We are more in love now than ever, Does the romance get lost? Yes sometimes it does, but knowing we have stuck together and will continue to makes me feel safe and loved. I will always want more romance, more snuggling, more talking, but I will never want that with anyone else. I love my sweet prince. I waited a lifetime for him and he was and still is worth it!

Random thoughts

I think this week will get back to some kind of normal around here. Paul is finally doing better. I am catching up on all things housewifey. No one else is sick, and Nathaniel and I might even make it to the library.

Tomorrow is our 14th anniversary. Paul isn't well enough for any night out. I wouldn't trade our 14 years though for anything. Today is a quiet rainy day just perfect for contemplating life and what is next in our wonderful world of chaos. 

I am going to add a picture that Jennifer drew at school. It is a self portrait. I am so proud of her. I think she did an amazing job!! She will be the next Picasso I just know it. I couldn't do the job she did. She used pastels. Her Aunt Carrie would be even prouder than I am I think. Carrie was an amazing artist before she lost her sight. I know that is where Jennifer must get it from. Jennifer is also proud. I think it is something she feels she can do well. I hope she continues, maybe I will get her a nice art easle and some pastels for her birthday.

stuck and sickness

I have been thinking about what I should post and nothing comes to mind that is wow or really pressing on me. Paul has been extremely sick this week. He was almost flown to Tucson, which is 2 hours away. I have been praying like crazy. I was asking God "are you really going to take Paul away from me too?" I know I should trust God and only lean on Him but I was really scared. I don't want to loose Paul. I keep trying to depend only on God. He is my strength and I know He is a jeleous God. I just don't want to be tested in this way any more. Every time life starts getting a little stable and I feel I can trust again. Something happens. I admit I am a little gun shy. I still don't get close to people like I use too and I am lonely because of it. 

Well Paul is starting to feel better and I have begun to breath again. I did let God know no matter what happens I still plan on clinging to Him and praising Him. I can't imagine not doing that. My strength only comes from Him. Yes I still get scared and I don't want to be tested in this area but I am getting a little peace about letting go. I still don't know if I will get close to any one soon. I would like to try but life is crazy right now and I don't even know where to begin. Trust God and keep Him first always, everything esle is temporary and will fade away. Thanks for praying for Paul, he needed it and so do I.

The Doctor is In

Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, Horten Hears a Who, and so much more. These are all books by Dr. Seuss. I grew up on them, my kids are growing up on them, I still have my own copy of Green Eggs and Ham. My name is written backward in it. I love reading it and the memories that come flooding back. Today is Dr. Seuss's Birthday. He has made a big impact on children everywhere. How many of us have seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas? The messages in his stories are great, and so fun that kids and adults don't even realize they are learning something. Christmas isn't about stuff, don't say you don't like something if you have never tried it, and even if you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist, everyone is needed and important. So many good lessons. Have a great day and read a little Dr, Seuss today even if it is just to yourself. You can read it here or there, in a house on a boat, with a mouse, etc

While there is still time

I have been thinking for a long time about writing to everyone I can think of and let them know what they mean to me. After loosing Carrie I realized that has much as she meant to me and I am sure she knew it, I don't remember telling her exactly what she meant to me or why. We always say we will and we regret is when we don't but most of us still don't tell others what they really mean to us. I never told my Dad either. I hope I will learn from all of this. I have already started with my friend list on facebook. I am going to write a couple of people every day and let them know how they have changed my life and how much I care. I hope I get to everyone and I know it will be a long process but well worth it to me. I have been blessed with so many great friends and family. I know not everyone has that. I need to be able to say thank you. It is the least I can do. Don't wait to let someone know how much they mean to you. I know we hear this all the time but it is so true. Also don't assume they know how you feel. I know my dad and Carrie knew I loved them but I didn't tell them enough why I loved them and what made me so proud to call them my family. If you never met my dad I am truely sorry. He was an amazing man with the best servant heart you could find. He would do anything for anyone, even if they drove him crazy :) Family...he was fiercely loyal and fun. No one could make you laugh more especially when he was with my cousin Harry or him best friend Randy. I loved his laugh and his hugs...I felt safe in his arms and knew he would protect me at all costs. I even had friends who wanted him to be their dad. Was my dad perfect...no but he was the best I could have ever asked for...wish I would have told him more. I don't think he believed he was a great dad, sad because he really was.
So if you get a note soon, you will know why. I want to let everyone know how much they mean to me.