Saying goodbye

I do not like change, even when I am doing something I don't care for at least it is familiar. Change, even good change is stressful. Saying good bye is even worse for me, and now I get to do both. I also need to teach my children these life lessons. Change is inevitable and so is saying goodbye. Even if I never move again I still have to deal with goodbyes when others I care about move or even die. So here I go having to do both. The more I love the harder to say goodbye. Is it worth getting close? I think so, pain is inevitable and loving is worth the pain. I love my family and I wouldn't trade my relationship with them for anything. Because of this saying good bye is going to be very difficult in a couple of weeks. I know without a doubt I will cry and that is ok. I hope my kids realize it is ok also. I know I am doing what God wants and being where He has called me is where
I need to be. My family and I will still be close even if we cannot see each other as often. I also know they will support me and pray for me and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Yes saying good bye is hard but only because I love my family and friends so much. These last 4 years have been a healing, growing, learning and waiting and now it it time to move on and say good-bye and I love you, and even shed a few tears.

Can I handle it?

Over the last few weeks I have been reminded that many people think I am a strong person. I have been told over and over again that I am "one of the strongest people they know" Sometimes I even get tired of hearing it. I have been through so much. If I would have known at 15 years old all that would happen I couldn't have handled it.I have moved and said goodbye more times than I would like. I have been made fun of and teased by many, including being told I was the nice one but not the pretty one. I have been very poor, saw my sister go blind at age 21, lost  many family members and friends to death, including my father and sister way too  soon. I didn't get married until I was almost 30 and many days I thought it would never happen. I have a daughter with special needs that is daily a challenge.I have left people and everything I love and not been able to look back. I have been hurt and hurt others  I could go on and on. The point is I am not strong. I am often told "God will not give you more than you can handle", hog wash. God will not give me more than HE can handle, and guess what? He can handle anything!!! When people see that I strong, they are really seeing Jesus in me. Trust me, I am falling apart inside many times, thinking "I can't do this anymore" Without my Savior I would be a basket case. The next time I am having a hard day or even a hard week I need to remember God is my strength  so I don't have to be strong.

Up & down and all around

Reading back over my last entry I can't believe summer break is over. Our summer was very busy with time spent with family, going to the big D in California, camp homefront, lots of sleepovers and a week in North Dakota. The kids are back in school and we have a routine of sorts. I am still waiting on God but not for the same things as before. I am still learning or at least being taught to trust Him. So many questions have been answered but guess what...it just left me with a bunch of different ones. 

Here is how summer was. We have been waiting to hear from God about what the next step is for us and where. We were pretty sure it was somewhere near seminary in California. Lots of churches and secular jobs had Paul's resume. So we prayed lots and waited more. Alaska said no thanks, and others are still "looking" at the resumes. Summer was going fast and our stress was mounting. Paul had several interviews and still we waited. The kids were asking "are we moving, do we know where God wants us yet?" etc.It was even getting to them. Then the end of July Paul had another interview, when it was over we waited. The next day we had plane tickets for the whole family to go to North Dakota for a week. They wanted to meet us all. We went and helped with VBS and Paul preached and lead worship. It was a fun but exhausting. We met lots of people and had lunch or dinner with someone different every day. The kids did super with all  the running around. We came home and still knew nothing. The church called the next day and said they wanted to vote on us that Sunday. They did and Paul left Wednesday morning for a 3 day drive. We are still here waiting and praying for more miracles and answers. Housing is very hard to get so we need a miracle in order to join Paul. We hate being apart and yet realize we are blessed. So many families are apart for long periods of time and are even in dangerous situations. Our prayers have changed from where are we suppose to be to please provide a place to live and be with us as we are all apart. We wanted to move over the summer but God had other plans. We are not looking forward to saying goodbye to everyone, it is always the hardest part, but we know this is where God has called us. I can tell you I never even had North Dakota in my mind as a place to go. I am not apposed to it i just didn't think of it. I couldn't even tell you where in the United States it was located...I do now :) I have never lived in snow but I will now. I am both excited and sad for all the changes happening. I can say I am glad we are going forward after being in the wilderness for so long. There will be new challenges and reasons to cry out to God but the next step has finally come. Now to get packing.

Summer Time

Summer time is here, and it is obvious. We have already hit 100 degrees, we have been to the free movies in town, friends have spent the night, we have had a picnic complete with hot dogs and potato salad, and my kids have told me they are bored. Aahh, summer, visions of lazy days and lemonade, but so far it as only been a vision. I seem busier than ever. I even have a hard time keeping up on laundry and grocery shopping. What happened to those lazy days I would look forward too? I don't know how my kids can be bored,we have been to the pool, the movies, the mountains, Pizza Hut, played games, made homemade donuts and more. I don't have time to be bored, how can they? It also tells me just how fast this summer is going and I don't know where it is taking us. Every time I read my Bible or devotional I hear...trust Me, I will not let you down, I will hold you, I have a plan. I don't doubt God in any of this but the waiting is hard. I also have been hearing, wait on Me, rest in Me. I don't know maybe I am doubting, I have never been without food, clothes or shelter so why worry now? I think I just want to know where we will be next month. Maybe I am not ready to hear the answer yet, maybe I need to rest more and worry less. Sounds like a great plan but so hard to apply. I am so busy with the kids etc. I don't have time ( at least that is my excuses) to be still. I even try, I get up at 6am and so do my kids, I get up at 5:15am and so do my kids, arrgghh. It is so hard but something I need to learn. God doesn't have to tell me His plans I just need to be ready to go. So the question is...do I pack or hold off, do I get all our medical records or wait, do I tell the schools I need records or not? I don't like the unknown but God is God and I am not. Don't I expect my kids to not always question everything, to trust me, to wait? Hmmm maybe I need to do the same thing? Lead by example is what I need to do. This summer will be over before I know it and I will look back and know exactly where I am in my Father's hands. Whether in Safford, San Jose, North Dakota, Alaska, Alabama, Tucson, or somewhere else entirely, that is the best place to always be and praise God, He will go with me anywhere.

13, middle school and diabetes

What a crazy couple of weeks we have had here in the O'Dell house. Two birthdays only four days apart both with parties on the same weekend and then music programs at school, middle school tour and doctor appointments and lets not forget Mother's Day. I think this all happens at once so I am wanting summer vacation for the kids as much as they do. Jennifer is now 13...a teenager. I have a hard time wrapping my brain around this. I think it is hard because I don't want to be old enough to have a teenager but alas it is the truth. I remember having my beautiful girl and how thrilled I was to have that first Mother's Day gift. She was and still is a treasure to me and always will be. She is so excited to be 13. For some reason she thinks it is a magic number where everything changes, she gets a boyfriend, wears makeup, life is better some how. Boy is she wrong about a lot of it. She is not getting a boy friend, she is not wearing makeup, but I do pray life is better for her. Becoming a teenager is exciting, it means growing up it means middle school. We got to tour the middle school and meet the special education teacher,  and some others. She was very excited (so she said) I also think she is apprehensive. Change is not easy for anyone but for a special needs kid routine is key. She has been a lot more weepy and keeps saying she is going to miss her current teacher. It is a lot to process even under the best of circumstances. She also knows we may be moving over the summer and that will change even more of her routine. She and I also went to Tucson for her Endocrinology appointment on Monday. They informed us that she has the beginning of type 2 diabetes. This is very common in prader willi children and it does run in our family ( my sister had type 1 and Paul's mom has type 2) Jennifer only knows that Aunt Carrie died and was a little scared. I assured her that Carrie had it for 42 years, had a heart attack and it was type 1. The doctor was very gracious and not patronizing (a nice change from most). She wants us to move more and eat lots of veggies. She didn't condemn either one of us just wants us to try and get it under control without any medication if we can. It was a great wake up call for me. I knew we should be eating better but I get lazy and now I can't, I have no excuses. We ride bikes together, play on the Wii together and eat our veggies together. I know this will get harder as we try and cut out so much junk but I have a great reason to. I have actually been beating myself up. I knew this was a concern and I still had junk in the house. Sugar is every bit as addicting as any other drug of choice. I also hate telling Jennifer no when she want more food. I know it is best for her but the mom in me hates it. I wonder how mom's who don't have any food for their children do it. It breaks my heart and it must break theirs. It is not the way we are suppose to do it. Mothers are suppose to give their children food when they are hungry and I hate telling her she can't have it when she feels like she is starving. I think it is an absolutely cruel syndrome. I know we are all learning so much from it but learning is very painful at times. I look forward to the banqueting table in Heaven where she can eat what ever she wants and how much she wants! My daughter is growing up and while I can't stop it I can enjoy every minute of it. She is so precious to me and I couldn't love her anymore if I tried. My princess will always be my princess no matter where life takes us and I am glad we have made it to 13! She makes me a better person. I see God's love in her so much. She loves more than most I know and God shows me all the time how much He loves me by using her as an example. I always wanted to me a wife and mother and I can never doubt His love for me, he gave me a wonderful husband and 3 incredible kids...I am blessed!!!!!