Right now I am grieving. Some wonderful friends in Florida were killed in a car accident. One of the hardest things for me is that I am not there to share the grief with the rest of the family and friends, It sounds selfish but I feel alone in my grief. I want to be there hugging, praying and crying with Priscilla, Amber, and so many more. I loved Linda. She was an amazingly strong woman. She had been through so much and still had a sweet spirit. She was in our Beth Moore bible study at my house when we lived there. When we moved she asked if I thought it was all right that she take over as the leader. She didn't feel she could do it but she wanted to. I was thrilled and I know she did great. She was part of my coffee ladies that I still miss so much. I have a beautiful poncho that she knitted for me as Christmas gift. It is soft, warm, and a wonderful camel color. I ues it all the time. My sister even threatens to take it from me. I alway thought I would ask Linda to make another one and I would give it to my sister. I guess I took too long to ask. She also made dish towels. She wanted to sell them to make some money. I loved them and wanted to buy a few. She didn't wnat me to pay her. That was just the way she was. I put some money in the basket at her home anyway when she gave me the towels. She and Earl will be so missed. I have been trying to write to everyone I know and let them know how much they mean to me. I am only starting the C's right now. I hadn't gotten to the L's . I wish I had. I will let her family know how much she meant to me and hope I move a little faster through my list. I don't want to miss another chance to let anyone know I love them. I still want to be there. Alone in your grief is a very hard place to be.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
It has been a few days and I am finally taking the time to write down some of what I learned from Beth Moore. What is sad and all to common with me is, I forget so quickly. I had such insight and excitement while I was there ad I couldn't wait to get home and start living the way God wanted. I am embarrassed to state that nothing seems to have changed and I had to go back to my notes (thank God I took them) to refresh my memory.
Most know that I want to do big things for God. I feel I have a lot I can share. I need to be honest, that is true but I would love to feel important too. It feels great to be loved, admired and even closer to God than most. Oh, how prideful and God will not share His glory. I know most in ministry struggle with this or maybe it isn't a struggle, but I can't compare myself to those who seem to have it all. God knows their hearts. It is frustrating to see others succeed when I know they are proud too, again not my place to do anything. God knows my heart and what I need to learn. What God has for me, is just that, only for me! The tomb alone is empty not my life. Christ's tomb is empty so I can be full. My calling is too big for me. I NEED God to accomplish it. I can not speak for God when I don't even comprehend what is happening. Think of Job, he didn't try and explain what was happening. I can not assume to get it. I need to live like the new creation that I am in Christ, not the old one with no hope.I serve the God of creation the Great I AM. I don't want to get to heaven and think I didn't think big enough of my God. He rose from the dead, He created everything I see. He can do so much more with me than I am letting Him do.
Now let me say I still hate waiting and I still don't know what the next step is. I feel I am willing to take the next step if I just knew what it was. Pray for me. Pray that I will hear clearly from God and take the next step.
God is bigger than we can ever dream, so DREAM BIG!!!!! He can handle it.