Monday, January 23, 2012
Tomorrow Jennifer and I have the "pleasure" of driving almost 6 1/2 hours to Fargo N. D. for a doctor appointment. No I am not kidding, I wish I were. That seems a bit ridiculous in todays society that nothing is even a little closer. We will be seeing Jennifer's new endocrinologist. They specialize in things like growth hormone, diabetes, thyroid and other such things. Because of Jennifer's Prader Willi we have been going to them for over 10 years now. Every time we get a new one I cringe. They can be very condescending and judgemental. They have big egos and usually don't think I know much at all. I may not have gone to medical school, but I have lived with my daughter all of her life. I know her, what makes her laugh, what makes her cry, what makes her mad and what she thinks is unfair. I know her quirks, her loyalties, what she is good at, what she struggles with and how much she loves her food, family and God. So why do I let them get to me when they ask if I know how much she weighs, and if I am aware of the fact that she is eating more than she should. I want to scream "really, I had no idea she wasn't a size 6 and that she loves sweets, savories and everything in between." Do I know that she shouldn't eat so much? YES! Do they ever ask how hard is it for you? What is it like to live with your daughter literally crying for food? How do you balance her eating with 2 very active, healthy, SKINNY, boys who can eat anything they want and more? Why don't they ask "does it break your heart to tell her no more tonight'? Why do they insist on treating me like an idiot who doesn't understand what Prader Willi is. I have lived this with my daughter for over 13 years. We have prayed together, cried together, and laughed together over it all. We have agreed that it isn't fair and that God loves her fiercely anyway! She knows we love her and only want what is best for her. She knows she is beautiful and we know nothing will change that. The doctor will insist that we see a nutritionist ( some skinny little 25 year old with no kids and no idea what we struggle with) she will explain the food pyramid to us like we are 2nd graders and don't know that more veggies and more movement are the answer to all our problems. I will listen, nod and smile all the while praying for strength and peace that only God can give. The doctor will soon learn that I do not intend to drive 6 1/2 hours more than a couple times a year only to be beat up and lectured. Jennifer however will love every minute of it, after all she gets mommy's undivided attention, we get to stay in a hotel and she gets to pick where we eat for dinner ( I get to pick lunch). She is beyond excited and has more coloring books and stuff ( yes a baby doll) than one girl needs for a simple over night trip. The time we get to spend together will be precious and priceless for both of us and for that I am truly grateful. Now to get prayed up for the doctor.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I love where I am in life, most of the time. I got married when I was almost 30 and didn't have my first child until I was just 2 weeks shy of 32. I would have loved to have gotten married in my twenties and started a family then but God had better plans than I did. Most of the time I love the way and when things worked out. My dilema is that now that I am in my mid 40's I am stuck between worlds. My Sunday School class is made up of women in my age group give or take a little and I love being in there. I love the ladies, we have a very gifted teacher and it is so much fun, the problem is they are empty nesters or close, working women who are in a different season than I am. The flip side of this is that the stay at home mom's who have children the same age as I do or close are in their 20's and 30's. Now most of the time none of this bothers me but some times I feel like a 3 wheel or a fish out of water in either group. I have gone through menopause and no longer have to deal with pms. I don't have to worry about toddler tantrums and all my kids are in school, and yet I don't work outside the home I do not have grandchildren and gray hair, and I do not know what it feels like to be an empty nester. So where do I fit in and how do I balance this crazy time in my life? I am old enough to be a grandmother even if I am not, there are woman who have gray hair in their 30's and women older than I who still deal with pms. I am done having children and even though I could go back to work it isn't something I am striving to do. So here I sit wondering what to do. I am a very social person and would love to find a true sister chick friend to click with but most women I feel a connection to are too busy with work or too busy with small children still at home. I know this season will not last forever but right now it is a hard place to be and so I sit, facebook, blog, and dream of days to come where I will once again have a friend close by that is closer than a sister.
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012, A new year and a time to reflect. I always like the idea of New Year's Resolutions but I rarely succeed at any of them. I always have grand plans to loose weight, eat better and exercise and yet here I sit probably a little heavier than even this time last year, only using my wii fit sporadically and have junk food in my home and not enough fresh veggies. I resolve to be more organized, a better house keeper and less of a pack rat and yet I can't find any envelopes, I have clutter in several rooms of my house and have more "stuff" than I have room for. So why do I make them every year? I live in hope that I will change, if I am not trying to change then I have given up and that is sad. I also think that in many ways I have improved over the year, at least I hope so. I feel better, more at peace with myself, don't worry what others think as much, am more comfortable with my body even if I have gained a few more pounds. I feel like I am a better wife and mother now than I was a year ago. I love to reflect over the year and see what I have learned, accomplished, and done. A year is a long time in many ways. So when I don't stick to my weight loss plans or my clean house ideals do I wait until 2013 to try again? That seems absurd to wait. If I blow it January 5, ok January 2 do I really wait a full year to try again? NO, I try January 3 and January 4 and every day. It gives me hope to get up and try again to improve, I don't even have to wait for Monday. I can start eating better on a Thursday, I can start a cleaning routine on Tuesday. I can, I can, I can, that is what I think a New Year's Resolution is all about. Just don't give up, always hope and 2012 can be better than 2011. Happy New Year!