When I was a little girl, I loved Mother's Day. I loved trying to make breakfast, and plaster hand prints for my Mom. Dad was fun to watch too. He always wanted to surprise Mom with fun gifts that would make her feel special. I knew I had the best mom you could ask for. Anything we made she said she loved, no matter what it was, even if she couldn't tell what it was suppose to be. She was happy with a peanut butter sandwich too. When I got older, I often wondered if she really loved all the homemade gifts and cards as much as she claimed. Then I had children....
When I became a mom for the first time it was Mother's Day weekend. I went home from the hospital without my daughter, and my mom was with me. I was thrilled and hurting the first time I got to celebrate on the mommy side of this holiday. I now have three kids and I know I am blessed beyond belief to be able to celebrate Mother's Day. I now look forward to the plaster hand prints, bookmarks made in scouts, and cards that I can't always read. I understand my Mom more now and appreciate her more than I thought I ever would seeing Mother's Day from the other side. I know my mom really did love all those gifts, flowers and cards. I can't imagine spending Mother's Day without my children.....
This is my Mom's first Mother's Day without my sister. I can't fathom what she may be feeling. Bobbie will try and make it as perfect as possible (she is like Dad) Bobbie will want to make a wonderful lunch, find the most amazing gifts and find the most beautiful flowers. She will stress over it. I am not there, and maybe I should be. I do know no matter what we do my Mom is going to hurt, it is inevitable. I can't make the pain go away or pretend it isn't there. I don't have the answers. I am praying, and praying and praying. I have learned how my mom feels a lot by how I feel about my own children. I hope I never have to out live my kids, but if I do I will have a much better idea of what my Mom is feeling. I wish I had made a plaster hand for my Mom this year...I think it might have been the perfect gift! I love you Mom.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Well Monday was Nathaniel's birthday now today is Jennifer's. She is 11 today. She is all girl...moods and all. She is already acting like a teenager. She is having a girly party with NO boys ( ie her brothers) they can give her presents after the party at home. She can start crying for no apparent reason...at least as far as daddy and her brothers can see. She is very emotional and still loves pink more than ever. She and 3 friends are getting their nails done today. She will then come home and watch High School Musical. If she is like this now what will she be like when she is 15? Do I want to know? NO, I try and take each day as it comes. I look forward to enjoying the days ahead. Sometimes I still get glimpses of my little girl (she still loves to color, just like her mom). Sometimes I get overwhelmed at wondering what the future holds for her and us.Will she ever be independent, will she get married, will she alway be hungry, etc. I try and lay it all at God's feet and LEAVE it there. She is a joy and she drives me crazy. I am going to write a childrens book called The Cranky Princess (Princess Ju Ju). I am going to dedicate it to Jennifer and my sister Carrie. I think is might be a good reminder for me as well. I am a princess to the King of Kings and I can get very cranky. I wonder what God thinks? Am I a joy and do I drive Him crazy? I see so many parallells in our lives. God uses Jennifer and the boys to show me so much. I love being a mom I just need reminding sometimes...Praise God, He doesn't need reminding that He loves me, even when I am cranky....See you after the nail party :D
Monday, May 4, 2009
Four year ago today. I went to the Dr. for a check up. It was Wednesday and and Paul was graduating with a masters at Southwestern(with honors!!!) after 4 long years. I was going to watch him graduate!! I may not have taken the tests or written the papers but I was with him in ministry 100%. I had lived on little money and no spending (something I was not good at but was learning),I prayed on my knees for him and us,I had taken classes and was learning a lot too, I was an officer for the wives club on campus. I was with him all the way and proud!!! I was excited this Wednesday, everything was going great. I had a maternity dress that was given to me new for the graduation. My pregnancy was going great...better than the last two. Then I have my blood pressure checked and it is high...way high!!! They have me lay on my left side...no good, still high :( They then tell me I am not leaving. As a matter of fact they tell me to call Paul (we only had the one vehicle) and tell him he better meet me at the hospital next door, with my bag(not packed).I hadn't eaten all day and now I wasn't allowed to. I was not happy or nice about that. I had a c-section at 6:00 p.m. (still hungry). Nathaniel and I didn't get home until Sat. evening...after graduation and Jennifer's birthday party. I was bummed but I couldn't complain, I had NATHANIEL!!!!!
Now today he turns 4 years old. He is always running and full of energy. He has a great vocabulary and wants to be just like his big brother. He is getting a bike today so he can ride like Levi. He wants to know everything and he wants to know now! He tells me that he loves me ( something I never get tired of hearing) and when ever I am sad he asks if I am missing Aunt Carrie, or Ms.Dana. He is wise beyond his years and I love it when he bugs his brother and sister...I remember those days myself. He loves to do it himself...most of the time, and loves being a big kid, but not too big ( his words not mine) He likes staying home and playing or the park. He want me to get little so I can play more with him. He is a delight, and exhausting. I thank God for him. I didn't think I would have a third (we tried for 2 and half years) God is good!! I often tell my children I know God loves me, and the reason I know is because He gave me 3 kids...I am blessed!!!!
I love my sweet baboo!!!!