Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Saying goodbye

I do not like change, even when I am doing something I don't care for at least it is familiar. Change, even good change is stressful. Saying good bye is even worse for me, and now I get to do both. I also need to teach my children these life lessons. Change is inevitable and so is saying goodbye. Even if I never move again I still have to deal with goodbyes when others I care about move or even die. So here I go having to do both. The more I love the harder to say goodbye. Is it worth getting close? I think so, pain is inevitable and loving is worth the pain. I love my family and I wouldn't trade my relationship with them for anything. Because of this saying good bye is going to be very difficult in a couple of weeks. I know without a doubt I will cry and that is ok. I hope my kids realize it is ok also. I know I am doing what God wants and being where He has called me is where
I need to be. My family and I will still be close even if we cannot see each other as often. I also know they will support me and pray for me and I wouldn't trade that for anything. Yes saying good bye is hard but only because I love my family and friends so much. These last 4 years have been a healing, growing, learning and waiting and now it it time to move on and say good-bye and I love you, and even shed a few tears.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Can I handle it?

Over the last few weeks I have been reminded that many people think I am a strong person. I have been told over and over again that I am "one of the strongest people they know" Sometimes I even get tired of hearing it. I have been through so much. If I would have known at 15 years old all that would happen I couldn't have handled it.I have moved and said goodbye more times than I would like. I have been made fun of and teased by many, including being told I was the nice one but not the pretty one. I have been very poor, saw my sister go blind at age 21, lost  many family members and friends to death, including my father and sister way too  soon. I didn't get married until I was almost 30 and many days I thought it would never happen. I have a daughter with special needs that is daily a challenge.I have left people and everything I love and not been able to look back. I have been hurt and hurt others  I could go on and on. The point is I am not strong. I am often told "God will not give you more than you can handle", hog wash. God will not give me more than HE can handle, and guess what? He can handle anything!!! When people see that I strong, they are really seeing Jesus in me. Trust me, I am falling apart inside many times, thinking "I can't do this anymore" Without my Savior I would be a basket case. The next time I am having a hard day or even a hard week I need to remember God is my strength  so I don't have to be strong.