Sunday, July 7, 2013

Time for locks

The Bible tells us there is a time for everything under the sun. I have heard these words, I believe them, I understand them, or at least I thought I did. I am now having to do something I never thought I would, most people don't have to do this and I have never known anyone else that has to. The time has come for locks. Not just any locks but locks in our kitchen, on every part of it that contains food. I have avoided this for as long as possible and really we should have done it a year ago. Prader Willi is a very ugly thing and while I know that God has used it and will continue to do so to grow me and my family I hate it. Jennifer is 15 years old and no matter how healthy she eats or how little she continues to gain weight. She is always hungry to the point of starving in her mind and is willing to risk almost anything to get food, she is now sneaking and probably has been longer than I care to think about. This makes it all too real, something I have tried to avoid. She was diagnosed at 4 weeks old so you would think I would have accepted it by now. I am finding out I haven't, I try to normalize her life (which I now is good) and make her work just as hard as her brothers or anyone else. We don't try and allow her to use Prader Willi as an excuse for not doing something we expect of her even if it means working harder than the average teen. Locking up the food gives me a reality check, a wake up call, a what ever you want to call it. I have to come face to face with the fact my daughter has some major struggles and she is not like everyone else. I feel like a huge failure when it comes to her food. If I had just tried harder, been more disciplined, not letting up she wouldn't be as big as she is and have the problems she does. Maybe those who give their children a lettuce leaf with a little sugar and call it a treat are doing it right and I am not. I am questioning everything I do with her and beating myself up. I know this is a lie from Satan but it is hard. I really thought if we tried hard enough this day wouldn't have to come. This doesn't feel normal. I had a very wise friend say this is normal, it is your normal. I just need to remember that and trust God for strength and peace.