Parent Teacher Conferences

Three children...three parent teacher meeting, all in two days. I must say Paul is a great dad and tries to make all of them, he made two of the three this time. All three are doing great with their learning and their attitude, well most of the time. Jennifer still likes to act like a teenager. We are so blessed and are thankful that all three are trying and their grades prove it. We love most of their teachers also. One teacher is dingy and disorganized but being Levi's teacher helps because he is so self motivated. Jennifer charms most of her teachers and has a crush on one of  her teachers ( I don't think he has a clue, which is good) Nathaniel is charming and and his teacher adores him. He loves school and I am so glad. Levi excels at all he does and is starting to enoy reading more. Jennifer continues to improve with being pushed, I hope they will challenge her in middle school as well. We have lots of time to pray for that. They are all growing up so fast, I can't keep up. Being involved in both schools really helps. I can see and hear what is going on, what they are learning, how they are treated and who their friends are. We are trying to give them a solid foundation because we know the pressure out there and the lies they are often taught. We want them to stand firm in their beliefs and be lights in a very dark world. I thank God for giving me all three of my kids and love being their mom and seeing them each excel and grow in their own way. I can't wait to see what the future holds for each of them...I better get back to praying for them and me, I need it.

Surgery for my baby

Well, Jennifer is on the road to recovery and that means so are mom and dad. I have seen Jennifer go through 6 surgeries now and  I never like it. As a mom I would much rather it be me going through the pain. The one good thing this time is she was old enough to understand what and why it was happening. When she was young it was so difficult because she would be in pain after surgery and she didn't know why it all happened. I will never forget the first time she had surgery at 4 weeks old in the NICU. She was in so much pain afterwards and she had a nurse that blamed me for her discomfort. I was so upset and it still brings pain when I think of it. I am happy to say that this was a much better experience. She wanted this done and knew what to expect...as much as she could. The IV had to be done twice which was no fun for her and dad almost couldn't handle it. Seeing his little girl in pain was too much for him. She asked to see her tonsils when she woke up and the nurse ( Sara) said she would have them waiting in a cup for her. I am glad that Jennifer has that kid of curiosity, it serves her well. Sara kept her word and when we met Jennifer in recovery there also were her tonsils. They were about the size of a grape and pink and bloody...sorry. I am glad we got to see them also. I don't think Paul was as thrilled with the idea. Jennifer has also been amazing with the whole "I can't eat" thing. I am so proud of her. She hasn't really complained or whined for food. She is happy to have ice, Eegges, juice and popcicles. Her biggest problem is talking...yes she is my daughter. The more she tries to talk the more uncomfortable her throat gets. Not talking is very hard for her even though she has a wipe board. She is loving all the attention she is getting. Grandma and Aunt Bobbie bought her stuff and so have several others. She is so loved and I am blessed because of it.
The hardest part of all of this for me as a mother as been trusting her completely to someone else and trusting God to take care of her. I don't know why this is hard. God loves her far more than I do and only wants her best. But I don't see things the way God does most of the time. I want her to be comfortable, He wants her to be more like him. I was talking to a very good the other day and she was saying that God was telling her,  "you need to  let go of your child completely,  so they can fall into my arms" That is so hard to do as a parent, but it is what God wants. I keep finding out just how hard I hold on to my family. You would think I would learn not to. The pain of letting go or putting them before God is so hard and yet it is something I struggle with daily. My children will be far better off in God's loving and safe arms more than anywhere else. If I truly want what is best for my children and want them to be more like Jesus I need to learn to let go and give them to God. Jennifer is doing just fine in His arms and she is learning  just how much He really loves her! As a mother can I ask for more?

The Necessary Evil

I have been struggling a lot lately with church. Now listen carefully to me before you freak out or turn me off. I love church. I have gone all my life with very few exceptions. I have been loved on, lifted up, refreshed, blessed, and felt the presence of my Lord and Savior. With all that said...I don't find it to be enjoyable any more. It must be me. The bible tells me I am to worship and it isn't about me being entertained or feeling all spiritual and weepy after a service. I try going in with giving to God and not "what's in it for me" I think what is bothering me the most is the politics of church. I have been a member of several churches in several states and even a few different denominations. It is all the same. The theology may be different but the politics are all the same.We say love each other, we say forgive one another, we even say that we do love "so in so" but let me tell you, actions speak louder than words, and our actions are anything but loving! We are ugly, mean, holier than thou, proud, etc. I think church is a place where we judge each other, gossip instead of pray and have huge power struggles over who is in charge. We must break God's heart and Satan must love it. I believe the reason churches struggle so much is because we let Satan. He doesn't want churches to even survive little alone thrive. I am tired of mediocrity and settling. It isn't enough and God doesn't want it. I keep thinking maybe the next church will be different. I will not stop going to church. I know the benefits and the command to go. I know it is a great foundation for my kids. If nothing else they learn that Christians are flawed and very imperfect and need a Savior. I just wish we would stop playing church and wounding each other, and acting like the pharisees who are so much better than everyone else. Stop playing church and really pray and let God work, I think we would see miracles happen if we did.

summer recap

Summer is coming to an end in the O'Dell household. I know it is still well over 100* still outside and the bugs are in full force but school starts again next week. No more sleeping in, although my kids are up at 6:30 most mornings now, no more sitting around in our pj's, no more "I'm bored". All this will be replaced with getting up and hearing "I'm tired and want to sleep", "I can't find my shoes", "do I have to go to school?" I will try to stay calm and encouraging, we will read our devotional most mornings, I will attempt to make good breakfasts and lunches, I will probably fail miserably at least several times a week.

Our summer has not been typical for us this year. Paul had 2 surgeries so we stayed around home most of the time. We had our own camp homefront for the 2nd year in a row. We saw lots of free movies down the road, the popcorn isn't free but it is still a great deal. We got to go swimming a few times had VBS and just enjoyed being together...most of the time : D My cousins came to visit for a few days and that was a real highlight for us! The kids have all grown (Levi is wearing 14 slims and he is only 9). They are changing before my eyes and faster than I would like. Nathaniel starts kindergarten in a few days and I am not sure how I will handle it. He is very excited and that helps but boy is the house going to be quiet. I need to seriously be on my knees before God. I also need to do some spring cleaning...ok getting rid of a lot of crap. Anyone who knows me knows how well I keep house.I need to start using the wii active again. I will have plenty to keep me occupied, can anyone say facebook lol. I won't have a cute little boy bugging me though and making me laugh, I won't have to take him with me to the store and hear "can I have that, can I have that, can I have that?" I will get to hear all about school from his perspective, and that will be fun. I know this is a milestone for both of us and it needs to happen. I can't stop it. For as long as I can remember I wanted to have kids, I never thought of the painful times that would take place. School is bittersweet and no matter now many kids I had I would eventually have to let them all go. They are God's anyway and He can take care of them so much better and loves them more.I will have to be brave and let them all go. One day they will go to college and them what will I do? I will get through this and God will hold me. I don't know how anyone makes it without Him. Anyway, I am glad we had this lazy summer to enjoy being together and I know Nathaniel as well as Jennifer and Levi will have great stories to share, besides I am a parent volunteer, I will be at the schools almost as much as the kids.

Jealousy

What do you think of when you think of jealousy? Usually it is a green eyed monster that makes us crazy beyond all reason. It isn't something we like in our spouse...at least not in extremes. Well I have been dealing with it in a very different way for the last several years. It started slowly, when I first moved away from my family by more than just a couple of hours. We were called to ministry and moved to Ft. Worth Texas. For me it was a very difficult adjustment. To say that I am close to my family would be an understatement, they are my whole world. Moving just proved it. I was so home sick, but not only did we survive, our marriage was better for it. Paul and I learned to be a family unit with just God and the kids. It wasn't easy but it was needed. When seminary was over and we were called to Florida I was ready. I had already been away from my family for 4 years now. I was excited even though it meant being even farther away. We came and fell in love with the people of GGBC in Callahan. We knew this is where we were suppose to be...again, just like seminary. I became very close to the people of our church. I was always told you don't do this as a ministers wife. Let me just say I AM NOT SORRY! They were and continue to be a blessing to me. However God was still teaching me much about jealously. We serve an amazing God. The Great I Am! He is also a jealous God...jealous? Really like a green eyes monster? I don't think that is the way it works with Him. Yes He is jealous but it is a righteous jealousy because He loves us so much and wants what is best for us. When He is not first...no when He is not everything to us, we are going to suffer. He doesn't want that. He doesn't want us to hurt. He knows what we need. Anyway, I was close to God and growing every day, but I was also depending on my coffee ladies and a few others more than I should. God didn't want to be one of the most important things in my my, He wanted to be the ONLY thing. I rarely went to Him first. I would talk to my sister or a friend. I would ask them to pray. Then I would think to do it too. I remember hearing very clearly, God saying " if I took away your coffee ladies and the support of this church would you still praise ME in this storm or any storm?" I said " of course but what a silly unnecessary question." God took them away with in a matter of a couple of weeks after that conversation He and I had. Let me just say at this point I had be praying and fasting a lot. God knows our heart and He knew I was still very dependent on others.

Most know just how painful leaving was. It felt like a divorce or death. It was and still is at times a very real hurt. I had never hurt like that before. I said "OK God I get it, You are not going to share Your place in my life. You are number one". Well that was short lived. My sister became my life line. We talked daily for at least an hour. We would share what God was showing us and pray. It also got to the point where I called her any time I panicked, was stressed, worried or even excited. I wanted to share everything with her first. Now I don't believe God took her from me to say ha ha and it is all your fault she is gone. No I know she was ready to go. God did use it again to show me...ME first. I created you I love you more than anyone.come to ME!!! 

I have been away from Callahan for over 2 years now and Carrie has been gone for almost 2 years. God even scared me with the idea of losing Paul. I do not have any really really close friends here. I believe the reason is God is still trying to get it through my thick head. He doesn't share His glory. He knows my heart. I want more than anything to make Him my all and all. I pray for this...have been for years. He is answering too. I truly believe once I put Him first and keep Him first, He will give me a close friend again. He will give me the desires of my heart. I just need to stop letting others share His spot. "You will have NO other gods before Me. You shall not make for yourself an idol or any likeness of what is in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the water under the earth. You shall not worship them or serve them, for I the Lord Your God am a jealous God. Exodus 20: 3-5

Please hear my heart. Friends and family are a must. I long for the day I have a friend locally I can talk to every day again. God just knows where I am right now and what He is teaching me. I need to run to Him first for everything. The prodigal did not run to a friend or even his brother, he ran to His Father. That is what I want and what I am learning. Look what it took for the prodigal son to run to him...I hope I don't loose everything in order to see my need to run to my Father first and only for saving, mercy and grace and forgiveness.

God please be my everything!!