Friday, March 5, 2010

stuck and sickness

I have been thinking about what I should post and nothing comes to mind that is wow or really pressing on me. Paul has been extremely sick this week. He was almost flown to Tucson, which is 2 hours away. I have been praying like crazy. I was asking God "are you really going to take Paul away from me too?" I know I should trust God and only lean on Him but I was really scared. I don't want to loose Paul. I keep trying to depend only on God. He is my strength and I know He is a jeleous God. I just don't want to be tested in this way any more. Every time life starts getting a little stable and I feel I can trust again. Something happens. I admit I am a little gun shy. I still don't get close to people like I use too and I am lonely because of it. 
Well Paul is starting to feel better and I have begun to breath again. I did let God know no matter what happens I still plan on clinging to Him and praising Him. I can't imagine not doing that. My strength only comes from Him. Yes I still get scared and I don't want to be tested in this area but I am getting a little peace about letting go. I still don't know if I will get close to any one soon. I would like to try but life is crazy right now and I don't even know where to begin. Trust God and keep Him first always, everything esle is temporary and will fade away. Thanks for praying for Paul, he needed it and so do I.

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