Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I am Living Proof (part1)

Anyone who knows me very well, knows that I love doing Bible studies, especially Beth Moores. She is not only knowledgeable but has an excitement that is contagious to me. I love digging into God's Word with her and learning so much. When I found out that she was coming to Tucson I was wanting to go. I got tickets for my mom and I and started waiting for March 26th to come. When the weekend got cloes I realized that I was going to miss Jennifer's Olympics and Levi's pinewood derby ARGH!!!! I wasn't happy but I knew that I was suppose to go hear Beth and let God speak to me. I prayed, I prepared ( not as much as I should have though) I packed and I was ready. I did go to Jennifer's sportsday to get ready for the olympics and watched Levi make his car. I left them notes and told them I loved them and I was off. Note that I did have a lot of guilt still and hoped my kids wouldn't hate me.
Mom and I got to TCC early and parked. We then proceeded to find a place to have a relaxing and early dinner. I was so excited I was trying to pray that God would speak to me and not just act like some crazy groupie or fan. When Travis Cottrell came out and starting leading worship I knew that God was present and I wasn't going to be disappoined. He truly wanted to lead us in worship and not just show off his singing abilities. I love to worship through music. It is one of the most fullfilling ways that I connect with my Lord and Savoir. I purchased one of Travis's CD's so I could continue worshipping long after the conference was over. I knew most of the songs (amazing in itself) and the ones I didn't just hit me and I loved them. I could have left then and been filled. I also knew they woudl sing again at the end of the night and Sat. a couple of times. Wow, and Beth wasn't even speaking yet. God came and He didn't disappoint.
When Beth came out she seemd very real and aproachable. She was not all about herself but about her Savior. She wanted us to draw closer to our Lord and hear from Him not her. I learned and heard lots of things. I am still processing a lot of it. I tooks tons of notes, and purchased a couple of books, not just Beth's. I have so much to still share and learn but this will have to continue on the next entry.
I am living proof that God is a God of grace and mercy!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

14 years of wedded bliss?

Yesterday was our 14th wedding anniversary. I remember the proposle and wedding very well. I loved all of it. I felt I had waited forever for that moment to arrive. I love my husband more that words can say. I wouldn't change being married for anything. It has been an amazing journey. But happlily ever after? Not always, not even close sometimes. I knew marriage was work and no one was perfect, but wow, we have been through some very painful stuff. What surprises me most is the fact that we have grown the most through the hard stuff. I have gotten stronger and hopefully more christ-like through the crap we have had to deal with. We are closer and communicate better because of it all. Paul has seen me at my worse and I have seen him at his. We still stay together and we don't just do it to prove a point. We stay together because we want to. We are more in love now than ever, Does the romance get lost? Yes sometimes it does, but knowing we have stuck together and will continue to makes me feel safe and loved. I will always want more romance, more snuggling, more talking, but I will never want that with anyone else. I love my sweet prince. I waited a lifetime for him and he was and still is worth it!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Random thoughts

I think this week will get back to some kind of normal around here. Paul is finally doing better. I am catching up on all things housewifey. No one else is sick, and Nathaniel and I might even make it to the library.
Tomorrow is our 14th anniversary. Paul isn't well enough for any night out. I wouldn't trade our 14 years though for anything. Today is a quiet rainy day just perfect for contemplating life and what is next in our wonderful world of chaos. 
I am going to add a picture that Jennifer drew at school. It is a self portrait. I am so proud of her. I think she did an amazing job!! She will be the next Picasso I just know it. I couldn't do the job she did. She used pastels. Her Aunt Carrie would be even prouder than I am I think. Carrie was an amazing artist before she lost her sight. I know that is where Jennifer must get it from. Jennifer is also proud. I think it is something she feels she can do well. I hope she continues, maybe I will get her a nice art easle and some pastels for her birthday.

Friday, March 5, 2010

stuck and sickness

I have been thinking about what I should post and nothing comes to mind that is wow or really pressing on me. Paul has been extremely sick this week. He was almost flown to Tucson, which is 2 hours away. I have been praying like crazy. I was asking God "are you really going to take Paul away from me too?" I know I should trust God and only lean on Him but I was really scared. I don't want to loose Paul. I keep trying to depend only on God. He is my strength and I know He is a jeleous God. I just don't want to be tested in this way any more. Every time life starts getting a little stable and I feel I can trust again. Something happens. I admit I am a little gun shy. I still don't get close to people like I use too and I am lonely because of it. 
Well Paul is starting to feel better and I have begun to breath again. I did let God know no matter what happens I still plan on clinging to Him and praising Him. I can't imagine not doing that. My strength only comes from Him. Yes I still get scared and I don't want to be tested in this area but I am getting a little peace about letting go. I still don't know if I will get close to any one soon. I would like to try but life is crazy right now and I don't even know where to begin. Trust God and keep Him first always, everything esle is temporary and will fade away. Thanks for praying for Paul, he needed it and so do I.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The Doctor is In

Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, Horten Hears a Who, and so much more. These are all books by Dr. Seuss. I grew up on them, my kids are growing up on them, I still have my own copy of Green Eggs and Ham. My name is written backward in it. I love reading it and the memories that come flooding back. Today is Dr. Seuss's Birthday. He has made a big impact on children everywhere. How many of us have seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas? The messages in his stories are great, and so fun that kids and adults don't even realize they are learning something. Christmas isn't about stuff, don't say you don't like something if you have never tried it, and even if you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist, everyone is needed and important. So many good lessons. Have a great day and read a little Dr, Seuss today even if it is just to yourself. You can read it here or there, in a house on a boat, with a mouse, etc

Monday, March 1, 2010

While there is still time

I have been thinking for a long time about writing to everyone I can think of and let them know what they mean to me. After loosing Carrie I realized that has much as she meant to me and I am sure she knew it, I don't remember telling her exactly what she meant to me or why. We always say we will and we regret is when we don't but most of us still don't tell others what they really mean to us. I never told my Dad either. I hope I will learn from all of this. I have already started with my friend list on facebook. I am going to write a couple of people every day and let them know how they have changed my life and how much I care. I hope I get to everyone and I know it will be a long process but well worth it to me. I have been blessed with so many great friends and family. I know not everyone has that. I need to be able to say thank you. It is the least I can do. Don't wait to let someone know how much they mean to you. I know we hear this all the time but it is so true. Also don't assume they know how you feel. I know my dad and Carrie knew I loved them but I didn't tell them enough why I loved them and what made me so proud to call them my family. If you never met my dad I am truely sorry. He was an amazing man with the best servant heart you could find. He would do anything for anyone, even if they drove him crazy :) Family...he was fiercely loyal and fun. No one could make you laugh more especially when he was with my cousin Harry or him best friend Randy. I loved his laugh and his hugs...I felt safe in his arms and knew he would protect me at all costs. I even had friends who wanted him to be their dad. Was my dad but he was the best I could have ever asked for...wish I would have told him more. I don't think he believed he was a great dad, sad because he really was.
So if you get a note soon, you will know why. I want to let everyone know how much they mean to me.

Fiddler On the Roof Sing a long

A couple of weeks ago I went to see Fiddler On the Roof at a theater in Tucson, with a great friend. It was a sing-a-long. They had the words on the bottom of the screen. When the theme song started and you could hear everyone singing and knew you wouldn't get kicked out for singing at the top of your lungs it was amusing to say the least. I wanted to laugh, but I admit I loved it too. My dad would have loved it and so would Carrie. It is one of my favorite movies of all time. I have also seen it live twice. My Dad loved singing If I were a Rich Man and dance up and down the hall just like Tevia. The movie has a great story even though it is sad. It makes me realize that my life isn't so hard. .I loved the way Tevia always talked to God. He would have great conversatoins with Him. His love for God and his family was amazing.I am not being forced from my home just because I am Jewish I pray this never happens. I feel sorry also for the commander that has to carry out the orders. He truly likes the Jewish people but is afraid not to do what he has been told to do.At the very least he would have been imprisioned and maybe even killed if he had refused to obey. The Jews are looking for the Messiah to come and rescue them...this was the saddest part to me. They love God and know the Old Testament so well. I wanted to stand up in the movie and say " He has come!!! Can't you tell?" It truly broke my heart. Their love for God was great and yet they are lost without Christ. Their homes were taken and their strength was amazing. Woudl I be that strong if I was told to get out with only what I could carry? Where would I go? It might come to this one day. Will I have the the faith to still trust my Lord? What kind of example will I be to others?
Do I look down on those who believe differently than I do? Would I be williing to stand and say "this isn't right? " Fear is a great motivator. I pray my God is a better one. No matter what happens may I stand for Him!!
It was a great night and I had a wonderful time. My friend and I had dinner before and went to Starbucks after. They even had to kick us out we talked so long. I haven't done that in a very long time. What a great way to end. If I were a rich man?