Thursday, April 28, 2011
I love to be comfortable. Lounging on the couch with a good book is one of the most relaxing things in the world to me. I don't think this is wrong and resting and sitting down for a while is great. I do wonder about my comfort and contentment. I can be content and not be comfortable. Take a marathon runner for example. When they are running are they comfortable? I don't think so. They get hot, tired, sore, exhausted even but ask them if they are content and most if not all would say yes. A labor and delivery nurse works on her feet for 12 hour shifts, exhaustion is common and so is dealing in high stress but are they content? I know most are. They are doing something they love and are passionate about. What am I passionate about? Am I content? Do I really want to stretch and grow? I say yes but then I start the stretching and it is hard work and I want to stop. I have no desire to run a marathon, I get tired just watching someone else do it. I do know that it feels great when I have exercised and reached a goal however. So what is holding me back now from moving from comfortable to stretching? Fear and doubt! Every time I think it is time to go forward, someone says don't. Godly people say "are you crazy?" "you don't have a plan" "God doesn't expect you to just go, does He?" I start to question and worry. I don't see a clear path, OK I don't see any path right now. Maybe we have gotten ahead of God. I hope and pray not. Our hearts are right, we want to go and serve. We are ready to move forward and yet no door seems to be opening for us. I can tell you I am definitely stretching now and it is uncomfortable. I am waiting for a miracle to happen. I know God can do anything. I pray He shows us His plan quickly, even if it isn't what I thought it would be. I can't just sit on the couch any longer, it is time to move forward...somewhere.
Monday, April 18, 2011
I have always been told to seek God's Will. I truly want to do this, it is my hearts desire to serve my God and Savior. So why is it so hard to see what that "will" is for me? I think I know what He asks and then I don't see it happening, this is even after waiting years for the answer. I know that God's will is for me to praise and serve Him and I can do that anywhere He sends me, and I do find comfort in that. I also know that God has a specific plan for my life and I want to do that. I don't want second best, I don't want to do "something" for God I want to do what is priority is for me...His best! How do you know when to move forward and when to stay still? Some would say don't go anywhere until you hear from God where to go. I could argue that I could sit here for the rest of my life; still serve and worship but not move forward. Some would say step out in faith and just go. I could argue that I don't want to tempt God and push forward just because I am tired of the waiting ( Joseph was in prison for how long? David was anointed as King but how long before he wore the crown?) I know that God has a plan for me and for my family. I do not want to get ahead of God and have to sit in the wilderness even longer or only get His second best for my life. So where does the faith come in? Sit and wait for the pillar to move or go like Abraham until God says stop? Some things are not so easy to see with my human and sinful eyes. I did come to the realization yesterday that maybe I should pray differently ( now don't get me wrong, God knows my heart and what I am saying) and change my focus just a little. I have been asking, OK begging God to show us what we are suppose to be doing and where we need to be, what is best for me and my family. God showed me last night that I should be asking where will I bring You the most glory, where will I become more like Christ? Where is it going to be about God and not me? I still don't know what God has for us next or when we will go but I am hoping my new focus will give me peace as I seek to serve whether staying or going.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Anyone that knows me even a little bit knows I put things off until they have to be done. If you know me a little better you know just how truly lazy I can be. Of the 7 deadly sins my number one is definitely slothful (with gluttony coming in a close 2nd, but that is another post). If you read my post you can see just how often I don't post. I have plenty of time and lots of things I feel God is telling me to write down. I write beautiful posts in my head while drifting off to sleep and even have great to do lists all planned out for the next day, but alas they never come to pass, just time does. I am not sure why I struggle so with this. I know I am tired a lot and seem to have no energy but I have been a terrible house keeper even when I was young and felt great. I am just horribly lazy. I am also very social, I would much rather be on the phone or better yet out with someone getting coffee and visiting. I know I drive my family crazy with my lack of ambition. I never finished college, I have many craft projects only halfway done ,I have a latch hook rug I started in 8th grade (1980) for Home Ec I have never finished. If my teacher knew she would have flunked me, she was so sure I would finish it a week or two after school was out because I had made great progress in class. I start to organize or spring clean and I stop and things stay in piles to give away, file, etc. and I never finish. I know this isn't honoring to God and I keep saying tomorrow I will do better but tomorrow never happens. I am a dreamer with great plans and no discipline, no accountability, no drive. Even now there are several things I should be doing and yet I sit here and think about how wonderful it would be to go to lunch with a friend or call my sister and catch up. I am amazed that my family doesn't give up on me and neither does my God. I am so grateful for God loving me just as I am and yet I know He has plans for me. I need to get motivated, I need to get up and do something. I need to start moving, just don't know how. How do you change something that is so ingrained into your personality? How do you change who you are? God help I can't do this even a little bit on my own. I need a Savior!!!!! and maybe a house keeper :)