Walking in Faith...stay or go

I have always been told to seek God's Will. I truly want to do this, it is my hearts desire to serve my God and Savior. So why is it so hard to see what that "will" is for me? I think I know what He asks and then I don't see it happening, this is even after waiting years for the answer. I know that God's will is for me to praise and serve Him and I can do that anywhere He sends me, and I do find comfort in that. I also know that God has a specific plan for my life and I want to do that. I don't want second best, I don't want to do "something" for God I want to do what is priority is for me...His best! How do you know when to move forward and when to stay still? Some would say don't go anywhere until you hear from God where to go. I could argue that I could sit here for the rest of my life; still serve and worship but not move forward. Some would say step out in faith and just go. I could argue that I don't want to tempt God and push forward just because I am tired of the waiting ( Joseph was in prison for how long? David was anointed as King but how long before he wore the crown?) I know that God has a plan for me and for my family. I do not want to get ahead of God and have to sit in the wilderness even longer or only get His second best for my life. So where does the faith come in? Sit and wait for the pillar to move or go like Abraham until God says stop? Some things are not so easy to see with my human and sinful eyes. I did come to the realization yesterday that maybe I should pray differently ( now don't get me wrong, God knows my heart and what I am saying) and change my focus just a little. I have been asking, OK begging God to show us what we are suppose to be doing and where we need to be, what is best for me and my family. God showed me last night that I should be asking where will I bring You the most glory, where will I become more like Christ? Where is it going to be about God and not me? I still don't know what God has for us next or when we will go but I am hoping my new focus will give me peace as I seek to serve whether staying or going.

I think I will write this blog tomorrow

Anyone that knows me even a little bit knows I put things off until they have to be done. If you know me a little better you know just how truly lazy I can be. Of the 7 deadly sins my number one is definitely slothful  (with gluttony coming in a close 2nd, but that is another post). If you read my post you can see just how often I don't post. I have plenty of time and lots of things I feel God is telling me to write down. I write beautiful posts in my head while drifting off to sleep and even have great to do lists all planned out for the next day, but alas they never come to pass, just time does. I am not sure why I struggle so with this. I know I am tired a lot and seem to have no energy but I have been a terrible house keeper even when I was young and felt great. I am just horribly lazy. I am also very social, I would much rather be on the phone or better yet out with someone getting coffee and visiting. I know I drive my family crazy with my lack of ambition. I never finished college, I have many craft projects only halfway done ,I have a latch hook rug I started in 8th grade (1980) for Home Ec  I have never finished. If my teacher knew she would have flunked me, she was so sure I would finish it a week or two after school was out because I had made great progress in class. I start to organize or spring clean and I stop and things stay in  piles to give away, file, etc. and I never finish. I know this isn't honoring to God and I keep saying tomorrow I will do better but tomorrow never happens. I am a dreamer with great plans and no discipline, no accountability, no drive. Even now there are several things I should be doing and yet I sit here and think about how wonderful it would be to go to lunch with a friend or call my sister and catch up. I am amazed that my family doesn't give up on me and neither does my God. I am so grateful for God loving me just as I am and yet I know He has plans for me. I need to get motivated, I need to get up and do something. I need to start moving, just don't know how. How do you change something that is so ingrained into your personality?  How do you change who you are? God help I can't do this even a little bit on my own. I need a Savior!!!!! and maybe a house keeper :)

A night in Bisbee

Friday Paul and I left the kids with My mom and sister and headed for Bisbee, Arizona. Now some may wonder why Bisbee, it is a small little town that as a lot of artists and history and a motley bunch of others. We just wanted to get away and it is a fun little town that is unique. We drove through Soniota. Huchuca City, Sierra Vista, Hereford and Palominos and maybe even a few others. It was a perfect day for a drive. We stopped and had lunch with a wonderful friend at a favorite lunch spot in Sierra Vista...The Bread Basket. They have the best coconut macaroons you have ever tasted. We bought the last 2 and took them with us. We were once again on our way. We arrived in Bisbee and checked in to the Copper Queen Hotel. It is a beautiful old hotel with a lot of history, again something I love. The room was small but I loved the whole feeling of the place. We took a walk or should I say stroll down the main street and looked in all the little shops, we stopped at the visitors centers,looked in antique stores, art galleries and one of a kind shops, all without a single complaint of "I'm bored" 'Are we done yet?" "Can we leave now" or my favorite "I'm hungry" That alone made Bisbee a wonderful getaway for the two of us. We had a wonderful dinner out on the patio of our hotel. After dinner we took a walking tour of the history of Bisbee. It started at 7:00p.m. because most of the history had ghost stories to go with them. I enjoyed the history of the town and all the buildings around it. The ghost stories were neither scary or a problem for me, at least that is what I thought. When we were done for the evening I must admit going to sleep was more difficult than I anticipated. I spook easily so any sound can conger up ideas of what it could be and none of them are of course harmless. I then realized I needed the song from Veggie Tales "God is Bigger than the Boogie Man" My favorite verse in the whole Bible is Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my Salvation,whom shall I fear? The Lord is the Strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid? " Sleep still eluded me because I was so hot but that isn't the hotels fault. We slept in and went over to the Bisbee Coffee Co. for breakfast. Coffee was a great start to the day which was looking to be another wonderful day weather wise. We did some more walking and went the the mining museum. It is what made Bisbee in it's heyday. Mining cooper was big business, my dad used to work for a copper mine. Seeing all the minerals and how they mined everything was fascinating. It was a a great history and very hands on.We stopped at a Tea Shop where the lady made up her own teas, and bought some specifically for allergies and sinus. She had a tea called "Goddess" I would have loved to have gotten some for Carrie. We saw a man carrying a pet lizard that was bigger than a toddler, it looked like an iguana to me but not sure. We saw many interesting people but all were very friendly. We packed up headed out and had a wonderful drive back. We stopped at a little mom and pop place for a late lunch in Soniota. It was a wonderful time away from all the stress of everyday life. It was wonderful to recharge and just be a couple, it was wonderful to experience a place we hadn't had a chance to be before. I am so thankful for a wonderful husband who planned all of this for our anniversary. I am blessed and I thank God for 15 amazing years. Bisbee was a fun trip and I loved every minute of it.

5 Nights in a Hotel

A couple of weeks ago I had the responsibility and privilege to take my mother in law Phyllis to Tucson for a week of radiation. We had to be at the Oncologist every morning by 8:00 a.m. and every afternoon again around 2:30 p.m. We stayed in a hotel that technically had two rooms although there were no doors. The bathroom and sink were in my room and there was only one T.V. in the front room. The hotel had wi fi but only in the lobby or on the patio not in the rooms. In reality Phyllis could have taken herself but Paul and I both agreed that that was not something anyone should have to do. So even though I had to be away from Paul and my kids I packed lots of books and made plans for the week. I have several friends in  Tucson and was going to take advantage of the opportunity to see some of them. Staying in a hotel for 5 days isn't my idea of fun when all you get to do is stare at four walls and don't have enough money to go do anything exciting, especially when I didn't have my family to share it with. Phyllis and I don't agree on most of the shows we watch...she can live on Fox News and the Game Show Network. I love The Big Bang Theory (even if I shouldn't). She tends to complain about everything that is happening in this world of ours and I try to be more optimistic. She complains in a joking and sarcastic manner about everything. Every time we went to the Oncologist She would greet them in a grumbling manner and then laugh like it was funny. What bothers me the most about all of this is the fact I could see me doing the same thing. Sarcasm is something I have down to an art form, but seeing it in someone else so often and clearly made me aware of just how much I really don't like it. We tend to think if we say it in a joking way it is OK to say anything we want to no matter how negative or hurtful it may be. I know how much it can hurt and yet I still do it. So the question is...am I really learning a lesson if I gain the knowledge but don't apply it or do anything with it but file it away? I did learn to love my mother in law more. I truly tried to see things from her perspective and realize she is flawed just like the rest of us but still has a lot to offer. God loves her just as much as He loves me, something I say I know but don't always act like I believe. I went into the week thinking I was a wonderful daughter in law and patting myself on the back but I came away with the realization that we all have flaws, hurts, issues and even our good points. Phyllis and I will never be best friends but I can say that I love her more now than I did a few weeks ago and I pray she can say the same about me. I also hope I have truly "learned" something from all of this and not just gained a few pieces of information.

People pleaser

For as long as I can remember I have been a people pleaser. I love people, and can talk to anyone. Growing up I loved school and church and anywhere there were lots of people. I made freinds imediately wherever we moved to. I was never mistaken for being shy or reserved. Most of the time I love this, however that also makes me a great follower. I hate it when someone doensn't like me or what I am donig. I will try to do whatever I can to make everyone happy. I do not like conflict, and telling someone no is practically physically painful for me. I am a sap! This makes it difficult to follow God I am finding out. I will do what I think...no I am sure God wants and then someone will come along and say something that makes me think I shouldn't. We are to follow godly council and that causes me a lot of conflict. Even in the Bible it seems those who truly followed God went against everyone else. How do you balance that? We are to love as Christ loved, we are to seek godly wisdom from others and yet I almost always get conflicting advice. Even in my own study time I often get mixed signals. I am learning however and hopefully, that when God calls me to do something to stick with it and do it. I may still struggle with the difference of a road block by God and a spiritual attack from the enemy, but I pray that I will keep praying and seeking God until I can tell the difference. I still love making people happy and I love it when everything works great and I look like a great friend or hero ( that is another topic on pride for another day) but I really want to learn to please my Lord and Savior. My list of friends may shrink considerably and that is going to hurt but I have to stand before the Great I AM someday and will do it alone,I want to hear "well done my good and faithful servant" I don't think I will hear that about this last week. Prasie God for His mercy and grace!