Thursday, February 23, 2017
Going back to ICU
I knew I wanted to go back to the ICU at the hospital eventually. I just wasn't sure when I wanted to go. I couldn't go right away, I didn't have it in me. I couldn't wait too long, because they may not remember. I decided it was time and I wanted to make sure a couple of nurses especially were going to be there. I wanted to say thank you. I don't think they hear it enough. Nursing, especially in ICU tends to feel like a thankless job. They work hard and often don't see a happy ending. So I went to a local cookie shop and picked up several dozen fresh cookies and drove to the place that had been home for 5 weeks. I knew it would be difficult, I knew it would be emotional and I thought I was prepared. I was wrong. Parking felt eerily familiar. Walking into the hospital and getting on the elevator was uncomfortable, but walking down the long corridor was physically painful. My stomach churned, my head hurt, I felt like I couldn't breathe. Calling on the wall phone and I was shaky and felt like I was going to panic. They buzzed me back and I lost my voice. My eyes blurred and I began to sob. I couldn't look in Jennifer's room, it hurt too much and flooded back memories. I told several of our favorite nurses thank you, I told them they made a terrible situation more bearable. They made a difference, they work hard and they deserve more credit. I wanted them to know that I continue to pray for them. I couldn't thank them enough. I also couldn't wait to leave. The pain was huge, it hung in the air and I wanted out. I also know I had to do it. I wanted to do it. These people are amazing and they took beautiful care of my precious girl. I couldn't let that go. Thank you nurses for standing on your feet all day and doing so many thankless tasks. I for one appreciate you! Maybe one day I will bring cookies again.