Monday, December 26, 2016

A new normal

I took my mom and sister to the airport this morning and that means everyone has now left. I didn't want them to leave and yet I did. Now reality will definitely set in. A part of me has been living in denial, I still can't believe my Sweetcheeks is gone. I have to come home to our new normal. I honestly don't know what that will look like. A lot of it will be harder and yet some of it will be easier. I will no longer have to lock the food up and that is a relief but hear  me, that doesn't mean I am glad. I would rather have my beautiful girl here with all of the challenges we faced. Life will be different, we will laugh, we will cry, it will be painful at times and we will move forward. Do we really have a choice? I am grateful for Paul and my two boys, they'll help keep me going, even when I don't want to get out of bed, they will give me reasons to go on. We will make new memories and recall old ones. I don't know when the reality of all of this will sink in, maybe when we go through her room. I am not ready for that yet. There will be times I won't want to go on and the pain will be huge and make it hard to breathe. I will help my boys navigate this new reality and preserve our memories of our sweet and amazing girl who was and will always be my hero. Jennifer I miss and love you so much and heaven can't come soon enough for me to see you again!!!

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