Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Alone isn't bad

Now that everyone has left, I find myself sitting alone. Many have told me to call them or go out and do something to stay busy. It makes sense and I appreciate it. Sometimes it is what I need to do, but also I need this quiet alone time. It helps me to truly grieve and try to accept that Jennifer is gone. I need to go and sit on her bed and cry or even yell "I don't like this!" It is okay to be alone because if I am always with someone I won't grieve and move forward. It isn't my way to really break down and sob uncontrollably or even a little in front of people. I don't tend to cry in public but I will when I am all alone. I need prayer and support and I love, love, love to talk about all my favorite memories of Jennifer and I couldn't do that without so many wonderful people but if I don't spend every waking minute with someone please don't worry. I will eventually call, text or visit. I just need to curl up in the fetal position and cry out to God a lot right now. He has the best lap to sit and cry in. He understands what I am going through and how I best need to deal with everything. I couldn't do this without Him.

2 comments:

Tamara Swerline said...

I love you, Goldie and I cannot fathom what you have gone through. Keep writing. It will help, eventually. And yes, scream and cry out to God. Invision God as a "mother" and curl up in God Our Mother's lap, and cry out to her. Let your grief pour out.

Unknown said...

I love how He is healing you Goldie.Roseanna