Monday, January 10, 2011
One takes the bow and one takes the blame
Everyone has conflict. It is unavoidable. Many years ago I learned that when there is a conflict people want to blame one side or the other (just look at our politicians). It is human nature. We tell ourselves that there are two sides to every story but we still want to blame someone. In a relationship someone is always the jerk or the diva. We say we understand why they broke up because one of them whas just impossible to live with. Human nature is wired that way. We have to have someone to blame, to make ourselves feel better, to save face, to help cope, whatever the reason. It is a part of self preservation. and it starts at a very young age. Listen to children in a nursery or daycare or even your own kids. When someone gets hurt or starts fighting and you ask what happened, they all want to point a finger and say "they started it" or "it wasn't me". We try and teach them responsiblity and accepting fault but it is so hard, even for adults. We do not like to take the blame at least not without explaining why it happened first. There was a song out many years ago by the Statler Brothers (my all time favortie group) that is called One Takes the Bow One Takes the Blame. It is about a a couple getting a divorce ( I am not condoning this) and the husband is telling his soon to be exwife that he know someone has to be blamed and he will do that. Everyone can say it was his fault and let her off the hook. It was very admirable but sad. Most conflict isn't that cut and dry. We do not see things clearly, we see them through our own hurts and failures. I truly believe that no story is completly true. Only God knows the truth 100%. He knows the heart and the hurts behind all the failures and conflicts in our lives. However sometime we have to take the blame and let stuff go. It is difficult. I have seen others do this with great grace and mercy. God knows their hearts and the truth. It shouldn't matter what others may think, but it does. Oh to have the grace to take the blame and just walk away so others can go on. Lord give me the strength to let go and not feel the need to excuse my actions and point fingers. I have blown it and I am sorry. I will take the blame.